October 6 - So what can we eat?

October 6- So what can we eat?

So much for me "blogging" every day!!  It's been more than a month since my last post!  geesh!  sorry about that - will try to be a little more consistent!  And i'm going to tel you right now that you have to ignore my lower case typing.  sometimes i catch it, most of the time i don't care so don't send me notes about the lack of consistent punctuation.  My fingers hardly keep up with what my brain is spitting out as it is!!

I ran into a friend in the grocery store tonite and she said she'd been waiting for my "what we can eat" blog, and then I got a message from a different friend in ATL who asked about the same thing, and another friend in NC has asked me twice about food so I need to apologize for being so slow getting this out!  It really is good info I want to share with all of you because I have seen first hand how this is saving my family.  So here goes!

So after my last update, i left everyone with the WHY I was doing this and what my "directions" were from Dr. Pendergrast (the pediatrician we are working with who is much MUCH more than a pediatrician!).  It might be good to go back and re-read the 2 basic rules I have to follow so THIS post makes more sense (no flour, no added sugar).

When I got home from the visit with Dr. P where we decided the flour and sugar had to go, I knew the first thing I needed to do while no kids were around (remember, they had no idea this was coming) was empty my fridge and pantry of all off-limit items. I really think all I had left in my pantry were 6 cans of green beans, fe cans of tomatoes and corn and a box of grits.  Really. I'm not kidding.  I wish now I would have taken a photo of my empty pantry (because that thing is NEVER empty!) but my mind was trying to still wrap itself around what I had just done -- "donate" perfectly yummy food to all my neighbors -- so I was not thinking forward to blogging for you and how great that photo would be.  It was pretty scary what I was doing and all I could keep asking myself was WHAT am I going to feed everyone tonite??

It was a extremely overwhelming, to be quite honest, but I knew that if ANY of the off-limits stuff was left in the house, it would be too easy for ME to get to.  I knew I would be the first one to cheat when no one was looking.  I'd end up saying "we'll eat this regular spaghetti just this one time because I don't have time to cook something else."  I didn't want to set myself up to fail so I had to get rid of it.  Every last bit of it.  I also thought that if my kids were going to do this 100%, I was going to do it with them 100% -- 1-0-0%.  It was only fair that I could undertand how they were feeling since I was honestly doing it 100% with them.  Food sometimes calls to me in the middle of the night and I feared the frosted flakes would have a shouting match with the shredded wheat and I knew who would win!  Tony the Tiger is one tough cat!  So it all had to go.  Old Mother Hubbard would have been proud - my cupboard was BARE!
  
One of my 4 children, Alex, is a horribly picky eater, and that is being gracious. How he has actually grown is beyond me.  My picky child will rival your picky child any day (is that a bumper sticker??)  His food choices, or lack of, really tempts my patience on a daily basis and I have to remind myself that this is not a battle I want to have and I just let him eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches, with no crust, all the time.  He's happy, I know he got some protein, so I let it go.  I count to 10 quickly, and practice deep breathing, and clench my fists, but I let it go.

Alex will NOT eat meat, with a couple exceptions -- do you call McDonald's chicken nuggets meat?  And he will chow down on my meatloaf.  go figure! but that's about it.  He also dislikes most veggie and fruits.  He prefers a ketchup sandwich without the burger or hotdog any day.  He loves broccoli though so we eat that a lot! So now that this food plan we are on is mainly fruits, veggies, and meat, Alex is not happy. Before this venture began, there really were only about 6 - 8 things he would eat and I just gave almost every one of them to the neighbor next door.  I had a feeling Alex would move in with them.  When I donated all my spaghetti to them, I warned them to lock their doors at night and don't shoot if you hear an intruder in the kitchen. Alex was going to be my biggest battle.

I really felt it was important to find foods that would make him happy because I want him to stay with this lifestyle for a long time.  And I also didn't want him to resent his sister as the cause of his newly found misery.  He cried a LOT the first week, lots of meltdowns.  And I never got mad at him.  I could not let this be a battle.  I had to take his feelings into account.  He just lost most of his "normal" food so I had to find a new normal for Alex..  My other kids, and Tom, seemed to come around nicely to these changes since they ate a bigger variety than Alex so it has ended up that I work harder to please Alex than the others.  Sometimes I succeed.  Many times I do not.  I promised him if he kept working with me, I would find foods he likes and I keep pursuing that promise every day.

But now that you understand the rules I have to follow and 95% of the food in my house is gone, I'll give you the rundown on what we really eat.  I'm sure there are other things that can be added but these were foods we were used to eating already so we kept them and I'll slowly add things as we go.  Please don't think this list are the only options you have.  You can have ANYTHING you want that meets the 2 rules.

I'm giving you a list that has grown over the past 3 months so you get the added fortune of knowing I trudged along in constant search of food that qualified so you have a MUCH wider variety of foods from Day 1 than I had on my Day 1.  We started with lots of rotisserie chicken, fresh veggies, and a full orchard of fruits in our kitchen... and me at the stove.. considering giving up often.

Let me start with bread... because if you have kids, you'll understand how losing this was to be the biggest challenge for me to overcome.  When we started this journey in June, bread was out.  It's ALL made with flour. This was the hardest part of this change because my kids lived off sandwiches and if sammies are gone then mama is at the stove cooking a hot meal.  THAT was a lot of work!!  But I did it the first month.  I cooked every meal - there was no other option.  There were no "fast" foods, like a sandwich, but, about 4 weeks into this diet with NO BREAD, we discovered EZEKIEL 4:19 bread.  It is flourless and no added sugar and it was allowed!!

EZEKIEL 4:19 is a bread made from grains and sprouts and when having to choose between no bread or EZEKIEL 4:19, everyone in my family LOVES this now!  It's in the Natural frozen section of Krogers. Earth Fare has it also. They have tortilla too that we use a lot.  They also made hamburger and hot dog buns.  It's a very filling bread since it's all spouted grains.  It's also not as soft and flexible as bread you are used to but after going 1 month without any kind of sandwiches, the kids took to this GREAT!  It has to stay frozen til you are ready to use it, and then it has to stay in the fridge.  With school in session, I don't know how we'd survive without E4:19.  PLEASE read the label on anything you buy though. I assumed the entire line of Ezekial with flourless but discovered the pita bread they make DOES have flour so we cannot have that.

Now that E4:19 is in the picture, and this bread is FILLING, we have added HALF an E4:19 english muffin with peanut butter as a breakfast option. Half really is enough when you add peanut butter and a piece of fruit.  My kids are filled *every time* with half an english muffin.  That would NEVER have happened before. Remember, I have some big eaters!!  But this E4:19 really is yummy and filling!! 

Here's a list of the items that are staples at our house now.  Many of these are the things we create recipes from.  This is not an exhaustive list.  As I remember what I left off, I'll add later.

Breakfast
Eggs (this is the favorite of everyone but Alex... no surprise).  Since we don't have high cholesterol levels overall, we can eat eggs and we have them most mornings.  It's quick to scramble 2 eggs.  I'm sure Dr. P will tell you that 2 egg WHITES are better but I do the whole egg.  I also keep hard boiled eggs in the fridge and I have sliced one and put on half a toasted english muffin with a little cheddar cheese on top, microwave 10-15 seconds for the cheese to melt a little and I send them out the door.  It's like an Egg McMuffin for them and it's fast for me!
Grits (plain only - not flavored.) - this was Alex's only breakfast choice for weeks.  He'd add cheddar cheese to them after they cooked so the cheese melted and he'd have cheesy grits.  We CAN have cheese. [cheese note -- pre-shredded cheese has flour added to the pkg to keep the cheese from sticking together so we buy the blocks and shred at home - also cheaper].  We also use grits for shrimp and grits. yum!
Meats (bacon, canadian bacon, sausage, etc.) We choose nitrate free meats since nitrates are so bad for you.  Hormel makes a Naturals brand bacon and lunch meat that we eat. Dr. P recommend Boars Head lunchmeat too.  Hormel also makes a nitrate free Canadian bacon that goes great with scrambled eggs or on that hard boiled Egg McMuffin thing I mentioned above. And there is a Naturals sausage as well. Watch for sales - the Naturals are more expensive but getting rid of nitrates is important to me - it should be important to all of us.  Since I'm doing this food change to improve or health, I don't want to only do it 80%. WalMart carries the Hormel lunch meat cheaper than Krogers and if you go to the Hormel website, you can get 55 cent coupons for it.
Oatmeal - it's not a big hit in our house but I like it.  I get the steel cut oats that need to cook for 30 minutes and add a chopped up apple and raisins for the last 20 minutes of cooking and some of the sugars from the fruit sweeten the oatmeal.  I'll make a large batch and keep it in the fridge for breakfast a few days.  It gets firm in the fridge so just add milk in the AM to a bowl and nuke for 45 seconds and it's great reheated.  I will add agave too - NOT honey (see next item).
Agave - this is a substitute for honey.  Honey is out.  Agave in moderation is OK.  It is lower on the glycemic index.  I will add a teaspoon or less to a bowl of oatmeal too.  Alex eats agave and PB sammies daily.
Fruit -- all of them.  i keep bowls in the fridge and on the counters and they have to choose a fruit before they eat anything else.  we have NEVER eaten so much fruit in our lives!
Shredded Wheat - I buy the kroger brand plain shredded wheat, the kids slice up a banana on it and it's fast and satisfies the urges for a bowl of cereal.  This is often a late night snack for me too.

Did I tell you we HAVE to eat every 3 hours?  It's part of the diet.  It's a metabolism thing.  I'll get to that later.  Remind me if I forget.

Snack Ideas:

Apples and peanut butter - one of Alex's favorite.  Watch your peanut butter and check the ingredients!!  We eat Smuckers Natural or JIF natural, or we grind it ourselves at Earth Fare.  We eat organic apples as often as I can get good ones too but that's another blog.  And I LOVE almond butter!!  Only discovered that because of this diet but L-O-V-E it!!  it has a sweetness to it so added to an apple and it gets my sugar craving most of the time.
Cheese stick and serving of lunchmeat - my kids love the Hormel "salami" lunchmeat - 4 slices is a serving - and they wrap it around a mozz. cheese stick and eat it like a popsicle. (not a breaded, deep fried cheese stick -- the plain cheese stick found in the dairy case.)
Air popped popcorn - this is a popular item here too since i let them get the air popper out and do it themselves.  no butter, little salt.
Fruit -- any and often.  A new favorite here is frozen grapes!  taste like mini-popsicles!  carly loves them!  or frozen cherries.  I just discovered kiwi on this diet too and most of us love those too!  I keep them in the fridge and cut the kiwi in half and cup the half in my hand like a bowl and scoop out the fruit with a spoon (thx to my sister Angie for sharing that tip!).  Very refreshing when it's cold.
Triscuits and cheese - triscuits are allowed!  swiss cheese is the best of all the cheeses so I'll cut up swiss and eat it on some triscuits if I need to munch.  or cheddar.
Almonds - These are a healthy food in general and Emily loves these.  I send these to lunch as well.
Nacho chips and salsa - Tostitos qualify and even generic store brand nachos work if you check the ingredients - if it says corn, oil and salt, you can eat it - don't eat anything with flour in the ingredients!  We add some some fat free sour cream.  Squish up an avocado with a little lemon juice and you have guacamole too.  Salsa just from the natural ingredients will have a little sugar but check the ingredients again just to make sure no additional sugar was added.  Who doesn't love some chips and salsa!!  BEWARE that the chips and salsa at your neighborhood Mexican restaurant are NOT allowed on this diet!  they have flour and are deep fried, etc.  I have brought my own Tostitos to the mexican restaurant before.  they have never cared since their chips are free anyway and I'm not eating theirs.  Don't eat the flour tortillas either!!
Fritos - Fritos are OK too and i have those for lunchboxes.  
Cottage cheese and canned pears - we like this but other fresh fruits go great with cottage cheese too. Fat free cottage cheese.
Hummus and triscuits - watch the ingredients in the hummus to make sure it's all natural.
*I can't get the kids to eat many fresh veggies b/c they are big ranch dippers and i have not found a ranch i like that fits the diet so we don't munch on fresh veggies as a snack often.  When I find a qualifying ranch, we'll do this too.

Robert encourage me to change things up a bit with this big food change.  He suggested we serve dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner.  If we are changing the food, making the whole process a fun adventure might be good.  We have done that a couple times but not as often since mornings are rushed. Kids think it's neat to have meals reversed.

Odds and Ends we eat that you can mix and match for meals

• Meats, poultry, fish, shrimp - we eat natural meat - Laura's beef is the kind we choose. I buy Krogers rotisserie chicken regularly (toss the skin) and keep it in the fridge for chicken salad with grapes, adding to quesadilla, anything that can use a boost of protein.  Fast and cheap.
  
• Tuna fish - add some boiled eggs
  
• Mayo -- we switched to Kraft Olive Oil mayo for the healthier oils.
  
• Ketchup - Heinz makes a low sugar ketchup.  I have not found a sugar free ketchup so we go with the low sugar even though there is a tad of sugar in it.  Ketchup was an important thing to the kids
• Spaghetti is OUT but we found Brown Rice spaghetti at Earth Fare called Tinkyada (that's the brand name) and it cooks soft like regular spaghetti (unlike the wheat pasta which is rough and chewy).  Brown rice pasta is very filling, is white in color so the kids don't know, and it tastes good! And they make spaghetti noodles, lasagna noodles,macaroni -- hopefully you are thinking now that mac and cheese is an option with the right noodles, lasagna too!  Kids are happy!  Remember, cheddar is allowed and so is milk and eggs so whip up some good mac and cheese
• S'ghetti Sauce -- we use Ragu NO SUGAR ADDED sauce.  Krogers has it -- there is a blue flag on the label that says No Sugar Added.  Look for it.  It's hidden among all the flavors and my kids love it!  (I'll post some recipes later that we have found and one is homemade s'ghetti sauce that is yummy!)
  
• Brown rice - no white rice, no potatoes on this diet!!  Stick with brown.  And I found that regular Kikkoman soy sauce has no sugar BUT the "light" kikkoman (to cut down on sodium) does have sugar so we go with the regular soy sauce.
  
• Brown rice cakes (like rice cakes but with brown rice - in the Natural section of krogers.  These are good with tuna fish on them.  I send tuna and these rice cakes separately in lunchboxes for the kids.
  
• salad (try to eat more than just iceberg - iceberg has the least amount of nutrition of all the salads). I put out lots of toppings for salads including black olives, black beans, crunch a few Tostitos chips like croutons, tomatoes, raw broccoli, mushrooms, cheese, walnuts or almonds, raisins, feta, bleu cheese - yum!!
• DRESSING - I need to mention this for sure!  We discovered a favorite that all my kids LOVE and this is coming from a bunch of creamy ranch loving kids who'd rather starve than eat italian dressing!  Newman's Own Oil and Vinegar is FABULOUS!!!  I'll buy it back from you if you try it and don't like it.  Delicious and fits the diet.  I also put this dressing on the wraps I make the girls for lunches. Remember to read the labels when you are looking for a dressing.  Most of those dressings have added sugar and flour.
• Quinoa - (pronounced Keen-wa) - another food we discovered since this began and we LOVE it!!  I buy it in bulk at Earth Fare (in the bulk section in the back for $3.50# - compared to $6# or more in a box at Krogers! -- it looks like diced up rice and you cook it with a 1-to-1 ratio.  I actually cook mine with chicken broth, boil on stove top, take off heat, and the quinoa will absorb the water.  I will stir fry some veggies and then add quinoa to the stir fry so it's like the cooked rice at the Japanese restaurant.  Add some soy sauce if you want. My kids really like this.  and it's sooooo good for you!
• Please change your butter -- get rid of it.  We use, very sparingly, Smart Balance Light.  Made with healthier oils.  I thought we'd never be able to do without butter but we really don't use it often at all.  Peanut butter on toast is our new butter
• Olive Oil - we use this a lot -- as liquid, as a spray too.  Our pans are sprayed with Kroger brand organic EVOO instead of butter.
• Canola oil - replace your veggie oil with this -- and using Smart Balance oil is even better. 
• Jelly - we use Polaner all fruit with our PB&J sammies.  Only fruit and it's natural juices as sweetener.
  

We drink a LOT of iced tea BUT i make it half regular lipton tea and half green tea.  Kids love it and green tea is so good for you!  We do NOT make good ol' Southern sweet tea anymore.  I used to put 1 1/4 cups sugar per gallon - yum!  But now we use STEVIA to sweeten our tea.

Stevia is a natural sweetener that is a plant leaf ground up super fine, like a dust similar to Equal or Splenda.  I buy the Stevia packets and keep them in my purse for on the go and I buy the bottle of liquid Stevia for the house.  The liquid is super concentrated so we'll put 5 or 6 drops, or less, in a full glass of tea so a bottle of Stevia will last me close to 2 months?  Since it's natural, you don't have to worry about all the chemicals in the manufactured sweeteners like Equal.  I just don't trust all those chemicals so I keep them to a minimum.

Talking about sweet - we will occasionally, and i mean 1x every month to 6 weeks have Edy's No Sugar Added ice cream -- usually for a birthday party.  It's scary to read all the chemicals that actually make a No Sugar Added ice cream so we keep it minimal but it let's the kids keep some of the things they are used to and still watching the sugar.  We also found the Brown Cow fat free no sugar added fudgesicles would qualify but also, use sparingly because they are nothing but chemicals on a stick.  But when the kids would be swimming with the neighbors and popsicles came out, I'd let them have the fudgesicles instead.

I feel like I'm going all over the place here!  I hope it's making a little sense!

Some food combinations we like:

• quesadillas (use the Ezekiel wraps), with mozz and shrimp or rotisserie ckn, on a griddle on the stove
  
• wraps -- the Ezekiel wraps again, lunchmeat (Hormels Naturals), lettuce, black olives, salt/pepper and i put on some of the Newmans Own Oil and Vinegar dressing and wrap away!  cut in half, toothpick to hold each side closed -- the girls are the ENVY of their lunch table every time!
• nachos -- put a serving on a plate, crunch a little, add lettuce, fat free sour cream, salsa, homemade guacamole (just avocado and lemon juice, thank you), tomatoes, black olives, ckn or shrimp, whatever you fancy - on a dinner plate.
• salad bar - all the kids love making their own salads with fun toppings and the Newmans Own dressing.
  
• we eat burgers and Oscar Meyer Naturals (nitrate free) hot dogs every now and then with Ezekiel 4:9 buns.
• E4:19 english muffins to make mini-pizzas (kids were sooo excited when we figured that out!)
• egg salad is OK too.
  
  

We buy organic fat free milk (Kroger brand is great) and organic apples (have you read the Dirty Dozen list??) .  No need to buy organic bananas.

OK - this is a lot of info and since I want to get it out there, I'll stop here and start working soon on some recipes.  I think I might also just type up a grocery store style list of all the foods in my house and maybe you can use it as a shopping list!  I really believe that now since the hard part of figuring out WHAT to eat is done, this is really easy to keep doing.  We are not really missing anything but the junk food.  We have found a substitute for almost everything and everyone is happy (except Alex but he has adjusted pretty well)!

I do want to add that for the first 2 - 3 days of this diet, i was ready to kill someone or something for SUGAR!  I've never craved anything as much since my pregnancies!  I wonder if it was just because I knew I couldn't eat it?  But i went nuts eating apples to satisfy the urge or I would have a tablespoon or two of almond butter.  I know now that if you can get through the first few days, the cravings are GONE!!  Really!  and i can tell you that i have had to get BACK on this diet a couple times in the past 4 weeks and each time, the first 2-3 days is hard. Maybe your body really is craving the sugar you have taken away but please find something that will calm your urges because it will pass -- I promise -- than you'll feel soo good!

Two of my sisters started eating like we are too. One lost 10 pounds in her first week!  I have a close friend and she and her husband are doing it too.  He lost 16 pounds in 2 weeks JUST by dropping the sugar and flour.  If I would only do a little exercise, I bet it would come off faster for me!  But that's another blog. :-)

til next time...
Jennifer

So what first?

August 28...  grab a cup of coffee, this is a long post. :-)  If you are just joining it, read the previous entry first.

At Emily's doctor's appt in June when this all began, we started out with a basic blood test to see what was going on.  My fear was that Emily might have diabetes. That would be my worst nightmare.

Emily had gained 40 pounds in 2 years.  Another one of those "I didn't see it coming" moments.  What kind of parent lets this happen!?!  Emily had also grown close to a foot in those 2 years but that amount of weight gain was scary.  I was worried that there might be something else wrong -- maybe metabolic or even something genetic going on.  She is so tall for her age (11 years old and 5'8).  Her shoe size was at a 12.  And there was no way this 11 year old was done growing.  A base line blood test would be our start.

You'd think I would not have been surprised when the doctors office called with the results.  I didn't expect to get a glowing report but the news from the other end was heart wrenching. The results were not good, but thankfully, they were not as bad as they could have been.  Thank God, Emily did not have diabetes... but she was sitting on that doorstep.  No thyroid problem.  No growth issues. Just all the problems that go along with being so overweight.  My child had become a statistic.  She is the person the newspapers and TV talked about every other night about the crisis in America and I was the parent who let it happen. 

While this was going on, I couldn't help but think back that Tom and I had a similar, but more detailed, blood test done in Janaury called the Berkley Heart Test.  It looks at your cardiovascular risk markers and genetic tests that determine risk characteristics for heart disease and heart attack.  You have heard the stories of the perfectly healthy athlete out for a morning run and he drops dead of a heart attack?  This test tells you your risk of heart disease and likely hood of that happening.  Whether you are fit or fat, thin or thick, it is amazing and empowering to know what's going on inside your body and knowing that most of it can be improved or controlled to stop getting worse and even improve it! Robert is one of only 2 physicians in Augusta, that I know of, who orders this test and then can explain the results and help you develop a plan to prevent problems.

Even though Tom and I had the test done in January this year, I was obviously *not* interested in hearing the results because we waited 3 months to meet with Robert to review them.  I really thought Tom's test would have more issues than me.  He's much older, has arthritis, and a family history of heart disease.  I had none of that.  I was sure they were going to just tell me to lose weight.

When we went in for our Berkley results, I was floored.  Tom only had 1 or 2 things to work on in his blood results - his risk factors for heart disease and a heart attack were low. That was great!  Me, on the other hand, not so good.  There was as much "red" on that print-out the doctor was holding than on a first graders paper after a college-level algebra test!  WHAT?  I'm young, feel great, no heart issues in my family!  There is no way that just being overweight could cause all this?!  I was *sorely* mistaken.  I obvioulsy live on the "plug-my-ears-close-my-eyes-and-hum-really-loud-so-i-can-pretend-i-have-no-idea-whats-going-on-around-me" planet.  There were only 2 or 3 areas that I *didn't* have bad numbers.  Ya woulda thought that would have been my wake up call to take action!  But it wasn't.  I did nothing about it.  Nothing. N-o-t-h-i-n-g!  I'd worry about it TOMORROW.

That was in March and here we are drawing Emily's blood in June - my "mini-me".  This child who was within 5 pounds as me, as tall as me, and ate like me, why did I think her results would be any different than mine?  But it never, ever, *EVER* occurred to me that in her few short years, that her results would even come close to mine.  I had 40 years to destroy my body, she's only at a handful.  Strike 2 for me.

Emi's fasting insulin levels were high like mine, her metabolism was low like mine, triglycerides were high - ditto for me, bad cholesterol was high -yup for me too, and the worst part was her coronary heart ratio was above the high point of the range.  Guess what club she just joined?  The one I was leading.  She about mirrored me. Do you know what that means?  It means my 11yo child had high risk of coronary disease and a heart attack.  SHE IS ELEVEN!  I beat myself up for days. I still do. I hated myself. Tom was out of town so I was dealing with this news solo. What was I thinking all these years?  How did I let this happen?  Why did I not take this seriously a year ago, 2 or 3 years ago?  Didn't I love her or care about her?  I just helped her health fall apart.  I HELPED HER GET HERE!!  There is no amount of consoling that would take that fact away.

Emily's test results combined also equaled metabolic syndrome.  Her body did not burn fat efficiently and that was probably why even our small attempts at weight watchers or cutting back or just "eating better" were futile in the past. If the furnace is not lit, ain't nothin' gonna burn.

So what does all that mean?  It means that just cutting back on food or just walking a little more were not going to work.  At this point, we had to reset her metabolism to get it going again.  We had to retrain her body to burn fat and function better.  It meant we had to give it the food it needed and it was not what we were currently eating.

During this meeting and in the days that followed, I learned so much from Robert and his wife Gail about how the body works, how it deals with foods, how all these factors played into disease as well as health.  I also learned that all Emily's issues were completely reversible but the time was NOW and it was up to me.  I had a choice to either make a change and suck it up and take the anger that would surely ensue from my kids or just give up, say this would be too hard for me to do, be too far out of my comfort zone, and just keep on the way we were because it was easier on me.

Emily was 100% curable and I could cure her but I could not wait for tomorrow.  After all the guilt I had of what I had done TO her, by the grace of God, I was given a chance to HELP her. What a gift of encouragement for me!  I was never more "in" to meeting a challenge than this one before me.  I had to redeem myself and be the mom I had not been and change everything my family knew about food. And I knew they would HATE me on the way.

Robert said we only have 2 rules to follow.  Well that sounds EASY!!  2 rules!!  Bring 'em on!  No books to read, no 'points' to count, no journals or diaries to keep.  All that was too much work and it was not a lifestyle and probably would not be maintained for long.  I had to keep in mind that kids have different nutritional needs than adults so my old college way of dieting by just not eating all day and drinking diet soda would not work.  We needed something we could live with forever -- we needed a new way to EXIST.  If I wanted to fix this mess I caused, all I had to do was 2 things: remove flour and added-sugar from our diet..............................................

And then there was the longest pause EVER heard in the universe. Say again?  We have to eliminate WHAT? And I began to doubt my ability to succeed.

I immediately started thinking that this was impossible.  Flour and sugar was probably an ingredient in 90% of our diet if I really thought about it.  Cereal for breakfast or pancakes with syrup.  Sandwiches on bread for lunch.  Spaghetti for dinners. Spaghetti was a main food group in our house!!  Right up there with Cherrios every morning!  What would be left?  But, therein was the root of our health problems. If we were continue to put the wrong gas in our "car", sooner or later, the engine was going to shut off.  There just was no other choice. NO OTHER CHOICE.

After I got over the initial 5-minutes of shock and processed what I was hearing, Robert and I got down to the nuts and bolts of how this would work. He said he tells the patients in his obesity clinic the same thing but many of them give up before they start or try it for a week and quit.  Too hard.  Too much work. They don't agree with him. It's "not normal" for them.  I can see where they are coming from but I just can't imagine that option of saying no.  I mean, really, how many "up-sides" are there to diabetes or heart disease staring you in the face for your child???

I have now dubbed myself as the "Food Nazi".  I was getting ready to embark on a venture that would make my kids HATE me and test my own limits.  You have to know that I KNEW that I KNEW the kids would NOT agree with this, they would fight me every inch of the way!  I could only imagine the tears that were gonna flow as soon as this plan was launched at our house. There was no way any of my kids were going to do this happily or willfully.  I was going to be the most hated and loathed human on the face of the earth.  But you know what, I knew my kids could not hate me any more than I hated myself for getting us here in the first place.  I needed to suck it up and *be the mom*!  This was not a popularity contest and I was not in this to make friends.  I was going to do what was BEST for them knowing all along I was going to win the Meanest  and Most Hated Mom of the Year Award. Let the voting begin.

Here's the 2 simple eating rules of our new life with a little more detail...
#1:  Flour.
None.  Nodda.  Zip. Gone. So what does THAT mean?  It all comes down to one thing -- reading the ingredient label on the package.  If the word FLOUR is in the list of ingredients, that food was off limits in our house.  Period. No exceptions.  White flour, bleached or unbleached flour, wheat, stone ground, semolina - if it says "flour" in the ingredients on the box, it had to go.  For the past 4+ years, we had been eating bread made with 100% stone ground flour thinking we were doing a good thing. No white bread here -- that was bad -- only stone ground flour for us!  I thought I had been making these great choices with eating wheat products instead of white.  That was supposed to be the healthy choice. I have so much to learn.

Robert explained to me why flour had to go... even whole wheat or stone ground flour - the stuff I thought was good.  From my layman interpretation, with upfront apologies to Robert for getting ready to give the worst medical interpretation of body processes ever given on the face of the earth, here goes:  flour is digested by the body quickly since it has been already ground down to it's finest form.  It's been pulverized for me outside my body so my body doesn't have to do any work to digest it after I eat it.  The flour turns to sugar (hope I'm saying that right) and our body gets an immediate sugar rush which gives us fast energy. It also causes an insulin spike to deal with that influx of sugar and since Emily has insulin issues, we have to give the pancreas a break.  If it keeps pumpin' out tons of insulin because of all the constant sugar, one day it will stop.  That's when insulin shots are needed for your new friend, diabetes.  After the sugar spikes, it drops fast, your body energy drops, you are tired and moody and begin to crave your next fix of sugar.  And the cycle repeats.  My new job was to starve Emily's body of that sugar spike.  OK... flour is gone.  For all of us.

If you stop and think about it, what in your diet has flour?  It would probably be easier to tell you what *didn't* have flour.  In our house, all cereal had to go. That one item would be enough to cause my kids to want to move in with their Mimi.  Crackers were gone, bread too. Tortillas, chips, pretzels, croutons, muffins, pasta, cookies, pancakes, baking mixes, cookies, sweets... it all had to go.  Did you know many canned soups have flour as an ingredient??  Really?!? It had to go too. I had to re-learn how to read labels again on everything I purchased and if that one little simple word was in the ingredient list, it had to go.  I challenge you -- go check your pantry.  I think you will be floored at all the stuff that has flour.  Now imagine that you threw it all away.  I did... and it was not a pretty site.  My neighbors thought we were moving out since we donated bags and bags and bags of food to their house.

So you might be thinking, why did I "torture" my entire family when only 2 of us were overweight?  Why didn't just Emily and I do this and leave everyone else alone?  Here's what I also learned from Robert... no one in my family will be hurt with this way of eating.  Each one of them could benefit on a different level if they did this too.  There is no downside for even a skinny person to drop the flour.  And since every person in my family could stand to lose 5 or 10 pounds, even my 8year old who is NOT overweight, everyone could benefit.  I also knew that even if the rest of the family was not in the danger zone today like Emily and me, how much longer before they joined us if they kept eating all the wrong stuff I was feeding them which got Emily and I here in the first place?  It sure would be harder to fix this problem in 5 years when they were all rebellious teenagers with much more intense schedules who were almost too old to be under the iron thumb of their mom and ate out with their friends all the time than to fix it now.  I buy the food and cook it so they had to eat what I served.  The could not hop in their own car and drive through McDonalds if they didn't like what I cooked.  Now was the best time since I control their life. (insert devilish, cackling, hand twisting, villain laugh here).

This venture was not going to be a short term, 6-month weight loss program.  This was learning new, or UN-LEARNING years of bad eating habits.  If I re-teach my family now everything I am learning about food, and WHY we are doing what we are doing and HOW this food affects them, how to read a label and what to look for on that label, maybe this cycle will stop and they will not repeat it with their kids down the road.  Maybe if they learn it now, they will have the knowledge and ability to make good choices when I am not there hovering over them.

We eat and live as a family and even if Emily and I were the only ones with big weight issues, this family was going to do everything it could to support each other.  I was not going to single Emily and I out as the "fat people on a diet" while everyone else ate pizza.  We were going to be the family who ate better regardless of how much any of us weighed.  And our bodies would heal themselves in the process.  We were at a cross-roads and I was determined that we were all going to do this together, for each other, because families support each other in times of need.

#2:  Sugar.
The second thing on our "no-no" list was sugar.  Awww, dang it!!  I love sugar!  It calls to me!  THIS rule was gonna be tougher than flour. So I took a deep breath and had to put on my big girls panties and suck it up (as my friend Vicki would say).  So here is how the no-sugar rule goes.  We CAN have things with sugar BUT it cannot have "added" sugar to the ingredients.  When I read the nutrition label on a product, there might be grams of sugar on the label as long as there is NO form of sugar in the list of ingredients - that would mean sugar had been ADDED to the item and that is a no-no.  I have also learned how many dozens of words mean sugar... and every one of them is off-limits.... sugar, cane juice, syrups, and molasses, for a start, and a bunch of chemically sounding names for sugar -- sucralose comes to mind.  I found this on a website and want to share:

Sugar (in one form or another) is added to more food products than you can imagine. There are also a large number of "variants" of sugar - depending on the kind of processing that has occurred. Here is a list to get you started in identifying sugars:

1. Brown sugar
2. Corn syrup
3. Demerara Sugar
4. Dextrose
5. Free Flowing Brown Sugars
6. Fructose
7. Galactose
8. Glucose
9. High Fructose Corn Syrup
10. Honey
11. Invert Sugar
12. Lactose
13. Malt
14. Maltodextrin
15. Maltose
16. Maple syrup
17. Molasses
18. Muscovado or Barbados Sugar
19. Panocha
20. Powdered or confectioner's sugar
21. Rice Syrup
22. Sucrose
23. Sugar (granulated)
24. Treacle
25. Turbinado sugar

DANG!  That's a lot!!  Now remember, there CAN be sugar listed in grams on the *nutrition label*, because tomatoes might naturally have sugar in them so of course that sugar would be in the product, but there CANNOT be extra sugar added in the manufacturing process. The sugar has to come naturally from the ingredients.  For instance, we can have applesauce as long as it's unsweetened.  That means they haven't added *extra* sugar to the already high sugar content of apples themselves. The ingredient labels says "apples, water".  That's it.  So apples are OK on this diet but *sweetened* applesauce is not.  Our salsa, as another example, has 2g of sugar on the nutrition label but when you read the ingredients, it only lists tomatoes, chilis, water, spices - no form of "sugar" is in the ingredients so our salsa is ok even though it says there are 2g of sugar per serving -- the sugar is naturally occurring from the ingredients.  Does that make sense?

If I thought we were going to lose 70% of our pantry when the flour was gone, another 25% is about to be thrown out with this little sugar "no-no" rule.  Robert reminded me that sugar is NOT on the food pyramid and our body does not need it to survive. Good point.  I'm sure the kids would understand now and be 100% willing to go along with this gleefully. :-)  NOT!  To them, sugar is the other major food group after spaghetti and cheerios.

Now, more of the Jennifer's non-medical re-hashing of how sugar hurts us.  Sugar, like flour, digests quickly thus raising that insulin level needed to process it in our body.  Our body reacts to the sugar with a rush of energy which, after digested, drops our blood sugar level so quickly that your body craves more to keep going.  Like cigarettes having nicotine, you get a rush from it and after that "high", your body craves more and it will not rest until you feed the craving.  My job was to starve our bodies of it's craving for sugar and flour and retrain our body to stop looking for the quick fix of sugar to burn but to retrain the body to start burning fat instead.  The only way to do that is to eliminate sugar and flour completely... and by completely, I mean COMPLETELY. With NO CHEATING.  We have to give our body no other choice but to turn to burning stored fat and burning it quicker and more efficiently.

This will be a good time for me to remind you again that this is my nutritional interpretation of what a very smart and educated man was so patiently trying to explain to me.  I'm sure some of you medical people out there can say it better and might even tell me I have my facts mixed up but it really doesn't matter.  I heard the key points as no sugar, no flour and NO CHEATING while we worked to reset Emily's metabolism.  I don't need to understand it completely, that's what Robert has spent many many years learning.  I'm a good follower if you give me a plan.  There is no time to learn the details of why this would work, I just had to have faith that he said it would.  There was a medical reason for everything we were doing from a doctor I VERY much trusted.

So how long are we talking about here?  How long do we have to do this?  The word forever scared me.  It might take 2 weeks, 4, or even 6 weeks for Emily's body to change and kick her metabolism into a higher gear.  Everyone is different so my initial focus was let's tackle this for 6-weeks.  We will go 100% commando and do this perfectly for 6 weeks and re-evaluate.  School began in 6-weeks so that would be a good point to re-evaluate.  So that's what I aimed for. I can do this for 6-weeks. Then we'll go for another 6-weeks.  I figured that if it took me a few years to destroy by body, it might take a *little* longer than 6-weeks to fix it so that will just be check-point #1.

I liked that this was not a fab book with the diet flavor of the month in it. I had to be a 100%, completely focused Food-Nazi and give my child's body time to reset its metabolism so it started burning food more efficiently so her body would work FOR her, not against her. I had to give her body time to heal itself with food after all these years of letting food hurt it.  6 weeks is do-able for anyone.  And I could either have them mad at me for 6 weeks now because they could not have cheerios and had to eat more fruit or despise me as a 300-pound sick and overweight adult with major health issues that has shortened their life expectancy in 20 years.  Really, is there a choice?  However you want to explain it, that was the bottom line.

Failure could not be an option in this game.  This was not a trial run.  We were going to move forward one meal at a time. I put on my bullet-proof vest and was going into battle for my kids and dragging them behind me, like it or not.  I'm the adult and their whining would not win.  There is too much at stake.  Now I had to figure out what we were going to eat for dinner and how I was going to tell the kids.

JSC

You came here for something... and it probably wasn't boredom. I am here for something... and I promise it's not because of boredom. Maybe this little corner of the internet can be a kind of therapy for both of us.

So why am *I* here? I am on a journey to rescue my daughter. I'm determined to give back to her something that I have taken from her for a long time -- her health. And the whole family is going along for this ride. I'm determined that a lifetime of good will come from this fork in the road our family is taking. It's a road WAY less traveled but one more of us should be on. I am determined that I will be the role model and teacher that I should be. And I am determined to fix this mess I have made.

I feel it's important for you to know the "why" before the "how" so telling you WHY I have decided now is the time to do this is as important as telling you HOW I'm fixing the mess I have caused and taking my family with me. Maybe our WHY's will be similar and you might want to join us on the HOW to get it done.

My daughter, Emily, is 11 year old and my 3rd child. She's my "mini-me" and I adore her. A clone if I've ever seen one. She looks like me, she's creative like me, and she's a leader like me. She likes to write, like me, and she may only be 11 but she's also as tall as me! She wears glasses like me - even wanted the same exact pair so we could be even more twins! She's a night owl like me, loves Chinese food like me, and organization is not her forte'... like me. She's a hugger, like me too. She's happy and lets life roll off her, like me. She's optimistic... just like... me. She is all things "me"!

But there is one "like me" that I wish I would not have passed to this sweet and happy child of mine. One thing that I never wanted to pass to any of my kids. I passed on some pretty great things to the kids but one bad thing Ipassed on to Emily, one thing bad she and I share, is our weight. Almost to the same exact pound. This sweet 11yo daughter of mine is very overweight... like me... worse of all... *because* of me. It's not her fault. She had no role in it. She doesn't buy it, make it, pack it, stock it, or offer it. Her struggles in her short 11 years of life are because of me and my guilt is heavy.

I wonder often why things had to get this far out of hand before I said *enough*? Maybe because looking at Emily is like looking in the mirror, and since I have never been motivated to make changes just for *me*, I really didn't see what was happening to *her*. I guess I was in denial. I guess I pretended it wasn't that big of a problem or that it would fix itself eventually. One day, not today, but maybe tomorrow, I'd figure out what I needed to do to fix this.

I guess I never really cared enough about "weight" when it was my own battle. I was young, healthy. I wasn't hurting anyone else. This was my own issue. I wasn't motivated enough to try and save me from myself and make a change. Nothing pressing to make me act. And, really, I didn't have a clue WHAT to do even if I wanted to. I would just worry about "me" later... tomorrow. Anyway, I did not have time to do the work it would take to change me. I had plenty of time to make changes. I am young! What I saw in the mirror every day didn't matter - my weight was invisible to me. I was happy and life was good, so there was no need to rush. I'll just worry about it tomorrow.

But Emily was my awakening.

I have been slowing moving toward being overweight all my adult life - at least 20 years. But Emily's life has only been 11 short years so far and this sweet child of mine has dealt with a weight problem for half of it. And it sure wasn't her fault. I did this to her. Me, her mom who loves her, has *done* this to her.

I was thin as a child but Emily never had that pleasure. Because of what I have done, she has been teased and taunted, sometimes mercilessly, for years. I have done that to her. It's not her fault she is overweight but she is paying for it. And it breaks my heart because I caused it.

My weight started to rise in college. 18 years old. A pound here, a pound there. And I never even saw it coming. I mean, who really notices a pound or 2 in a month? I'll worry about it later... after this test, after vacation, after the holiday is over, when summer gets here... I would address it tomorrow. After all, the college dining plan was "all you can eat" heaven 3 meals a day! And coming home from college a couple times a month to all my favorite comfort foods was something I looked forward to! Mom always would make my absolute favorites on the weekend and even send me back with leftovers and I loved every bite of it. Hey, it was only a couple pounds and everyone gains some weight in college, right? All fun times included food. Happiness was found around a dining room table with laughing family and of course, a great dinner. And friendships include lunch dates a few times a week. Studying included snacking. Being sad was accompanied by something sweet to take the edge off the sadness. Looking back, everything I did included some type of food and I didn't have limits. I didn't go to food for comfort, but everything comforting I did had food. But, there was always tomorrow and it was only a couple of pounds.

After college there were more excuses -- having 4 kids in 5 years was the first one. You can't "diet" while being pregnant and nursing a baby. Every pregnant lady has cravings and we have to indulge them. Every pregnancy book I read gave me permission to gain weight for the sake of the baby. NO DIETS! Then, who has time to cook with all these toddlers underfoot? And what is childhood without happy meals and Chuck E Cheese? That's where families go for fun, right? Memories are made around a dining room table. Big families have lots of birthdays and every one of those included going out to dinner followed by cake and ice cream. It was a party and all good parties had food! And we can't forget that every other month was a holiday and our family has some GREAT recipes that were obligatory seasonal and holiday foods. No one forced it on me. I sure wasn't suffering in the process! I love the feeling of a great meal surrounded by a big family having fun so we did that often.

There was always an excuse to eat. And I never even noticed the single pound here and there. And hey, I was already married and he wasn't complaining. My friends weren't leaving me. The kids loved me. It wasn't *that* bad. It was only a couple pounds.

You adjust the image you have of yourself to be what you see every day. Just like you don't notice a strand or 2 of gray hair but one day it's everywhere! Where did all that gray come from and why did I never see it?? It's not like 90 pounds dropped out of the sky one day to make me take note. A pound here or there. It was slight and gradual and I never saw it coming. And since the journey was paved with fun and great memories, I wasn't regretting anything I saw.

Who would have thought that 20 years after starting college, coming to today, those few extra Freshman pounds would have grown to an extra 90? 90 pounds! Are you kidding me? 90 pounds are those bariatric surgery shows! That's not me! How and when did this happen? I never even saw it coming.

It was too much work to "diet". And we all know that diet means "starve" and I didn't like that. Dieting meant no lunch dates anymore so I wasn't ready to say no to friendships. No way! I can't give up my friends. Dieting way saying no sweets at Christmas. Nope. Christmas was about divinity and fudge. I'm not giving up Christmas. Dieting was skipping seconds at Thanksgiving and if you have ever tasted my mom's food, you won't say no to seconds at Thanksgiving either. I wasn't up for this dieting thing. So, I might not have seen it coming, but I guess I didn't want to look hard enough because I wasn't ready for the sacrifice. Dieting is sacrifice. Do with less, be hungry, hurt, unhappiness, grumpy... who wants that? NOT ME! Food surrounded everything happy, eating was done with family. Please know there was no "closet eating" here. I'm no binge'er. We celebrated together around a table with a 2nd helping of mashed potatoes and gravy with white cake covered in brown sugar frosting for dessert. And I was happy. Who'd have thought that a single pound or 2 every few months, over a few years - 20 years - would have added up? Not me, that's for sure!

I still don't really see those extra 90 pounds when I look in the mirror. I don't. Not 90. It's just a little bit of weight I have to lose. I lie to myself. I don't own a scale. It's easier to avoid reality and stepping on that was a slap in the face. And heck, I wasn't going to do anything about my weight anyway. Tomorrow.

I don't remember what I looked like 10 years ago. What I do remember is that I never, ever would say that I liked how I looked. I always felt I had a few pounds to lose regardless of the weight I was at at the time but a few pounds was easy enough to lose... one day. I never liked how I looked in photos either so there are not that many of me over the past 20 years. That's sad in itself.  But looking back now, I would love to be as "fat" as I was 10, 15, or 20 years ago because it was 30, 50, 90 pounds less than today!

When I look in the mirror today, I only remember what I saw yesterday, and it looked pretty close to what I see today. Who notices a few ounces a day? The small things really added up though. 90 extra pounds! What was I thinking?!?! That's another whole person! What I see in the mirror today is not what I thought "100 extra pounds" looks like. The picture in my mind of "obese" were those people who need 2 seats at restaurants or those with a tummy that walked through the door a full 10 seconds before their nose did. 100 pounds overweight was what reality TV was made of. I don't look like *that*! I might have a little extra around the middle, the tush might be a little fuller, but look at that lady over there who's dripping off both sides of her chair - now THAT is what ONE HUNDRED extra pounds looks like... not me!

I've stayed right at this weight where I am now for at least the past 5 or 6 years. I've gotten to this weight and stayed put. I guess it has balanced out. I have been within 5 pounds of my current weight for a few years. I'm comfortably round. It didn't seem to bother anyone else and it sure hasn't bothered me enough to do anything about it. I do a lot of activities with the kids, have lots of friends, have a great husband and kids who never judge me. I am happy and obviously not too put-off by what I see in the mirror. It's only a couple of pounds.

OK. So that brings us to now. What has changed? Why now? Simple answer. Emily. I feel, I hope, God is using her to get through to me to hit me right between the eyes that things have GOT to change... NOW. Please understand that I am not saying God caused this. I take full responsibility for that. I feel God is using Emily as a wake up call for me to finally make "tomorrow" into "today" and see that I am the one who needs to undo what I have done to my entire family. Emily and I are not the only ones overweight, but they are just not as bad as the 2 of us. Everyone in my family eats the same meals but Emily and I are the two with the bigger hill to climb. And we're dragging the rest of the crew with us so that one day when they grow up and have families, they never have to have the guilt that they repeated the only things they learned from their mom about eating and do this same thing to their kids. I don't want them to ever have the hurt and guilt that I have -- a problem that could have been prevented.

So, what do I want to accomplish? Health. I now know IT'S NOT TOO LATE! It's never too late!  This is fixable.  Why this blog? Awareness, I guess. Admitting my shortcomings. And maybe saying what I have done might help someone else. Who knows. I know Emily and I are not the only ones with a weight issue. And if *I* am what "obese" looks like, then maybe this can be a wake up call for other parents to take ownership of their kids' health so the legacy they pass on is not pain, sadness, teasing, and sickness but rather health and happiness for a lifetime.

Emily's 11year-old, well-child, annual visit to the pediatrician was the beginning for me. Realizing I could not do this alone and asking for help was the first step. Being open to hearing the results and not pretending the elephant was not in the room was key. I had to hear it straight without any fluff. I needed that doctor to be straight with me because I was finally scared and needed to do something -- for Emily's sake. There was no time to protect my feelings. Call it as you see it. Me and my daughter were obese and her health was silently deteriorating. Next was a referral to a friend - who is also a pediatrician with an amazing passion for health and also works with overweight kids. It is such a God thing how our paths have lined up for the past few years so that I was open to receiving his help. Robert helped me develop a plan and told me how it was. I will never be able to express to him enough how I needed that straight talk. I wish more doctors were as matter of fact and straight forward.  But in the end, even with the facts, it all comes down to me. I could act, or make another excuse. In the end, the information is always there for all of us, we just have to choose to do something with it.  But it is easier to begin this huge change with a coach and cheerleader in your corner to help decipher the info and hold my hand day-by-day and help ME make a change and help ME understand WHY I was doing what I was doing and HOW it would help my child.  This is not something that can be written on a paper and sent away with a parent and an appointment to come back in 6-months to see how things are going.  This is intense and daily and overwhelming.  This is a LIFE change.  Robert didn't give me a flyer telling me to eat more fruits and veggies and skip McDonalds. I already had that meeting with a nutritionist a few years ago and it was useless. I knew that already. Robert did it different. And that made the difference.

Before now, I wasn't willing to do this work for *me* but now, I could, and I WOULD, do it for *Emily*. This was bigger than me now. God gave me this beautiful child and I was causing her pain. It was time to make "tomorrow" be my "today". And the clock was ticking.

So back to this blog... I've been oblivious to the obvious for so long that I'm hoping that by putting it all out there for anyone to see, I'll be able to face the monster I've created and conquer it. And if some one person can relate or be helped, than maybe we can trudge through this together. There are strength in numbers. But there is also power in ONE, and I am ONE, and I'm starting this climb on my own and taking my family with me. That's all I can do. But that is enough.

My family has been on this journey toward health for 8 weeks and 5 days today. We do count every day. If I don't see today for what it is, it fades away and a day becomes a week, a month, a year, 20 years... and look amazed at how time has flown by!! And that attitude got me where I am today. Our family now counts today as a day that counts toward making a change. A step on a long, long journey.

Now that you have an idea of the WHY I'm doing this, I'll start again tomorrow and let you follow the HOW. I do know that even if you don't have a weight issue to deal with, the HOW I'll share with you about HOW we are living now will benefit everyone. Fit or fat. And I have actual proof of it. I'll share that too. We are talking about our kids health here. No parent out that wants anything to hurt their kids so this process is teaching me not to hurt them with food. I have learned, and want to share with everyone, that food can hurt you. But I also love the fact that food can also heal. And the healing is beginning for my family. And it's working.

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